Shes 30 but she isnt mature enough to have any responsibility, I pity for it. Now I am questioning myself whether to leave her or hold her.whether she ll feel better later on if I suppose leave her. We've been together for about a year now. Day in or out, shell leave me broken again, I know it, just dont know when. Im more bummed cause were not having as much sex as Id like. 11 months ago I started dating my girlfriend and everything was amazing. Uffo , I feel like I dont want anything in my life. my health is declining. All rights reserved. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. Some times its okay but those are only the times when things are easy. Its extremely helpful to be able to read something from the person suffering from depression. Since being in a relationship with her I feel like I've lost myself a little bit? Or sit down and plan something new to try. I tried the whole counselling route n psychiatrist with her. Well i have a very depressed girlfriend that i am dating at this moment which i do really love her which she is always unhappy when i go over her house. We do love each other, but her depression, mixed with her anxiety about our future as parents of the same child, is becoming too much for me to remain hopeful. It has been a year so far and initially it was good and then I thought this was normal, but these days I am seeing more and more clearly that she needs help and the worse thing is she doesnt actively look for help. Im not really looking for advice with this, just getting something off my chest to the world. She will need manpower to make the move happen. Everything is about your partner. Ask yourself if you truly want to continue in the relationship. I found myself in a very similar situation. One Direction - Drag Me Down (Official Video)Follow on Spotify - https://1D.lnk.to/SpotifyListen on Apple Music - https://1D.lnk.to/AppleMusicListen on Amazo. She relies on me sitting down and talking sense to her, but I too feel like a caretaker, an older sibling or even a parent sometimes. We used to talk all day, have very long calls every night, laugh a lot, play together. Let she feels that you are proud of her. Life is too short to waste time and energy on depressed people. Uffo , I feel like I dont want anything in my life. I thought she was the woman of my life, that I would do anything for her and I would but she simply doesnt want. Youre so much less experienced and you know so much less than you think, Im not saying that as a criticism at all, Im sure youve been through more than I can imagine, but people have gone through this before and somehow got passed it to live their life for decades and decades. Do you guys fight all the time? But I really just wanted to Thank You for your post. He would only talk and see me when he had nothing else to do but I was okay with that I was inlove with him. To lower the quality, character, or value of something or someone: His disruptions are dragging down the performance of the other students. We have to get our sh#t together or be ok with being alone and broke or God forbid settle for the girl were all here talking about. We are in the office Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Mountain Time, and our phone number is 888-563-2112 ext 3. 3. She clearly doesnt love you like one should love another person. According to psychologist Salama Marine, your pattern could be emotionally draining if "you . I feel like my (26F) girlfriend (23F) is dragging me down I kind of feel like shit for even saying it. However when i asked her how shed feel if i was to hang out with other girls she said that i wasnt allowed to and that all i would do is want to have sex with them or at least have those intentions. Im really hurt, I know Im losing her, I am starting to become, once again, insecure, isolated, anxious. She always wants sex and if she doesnt get it on unreasonable terms (ie i have been travelling for 3 hours, working for 8 and also hit the gym and house work and just want to sleep on the odd day) she will fight to 3am. Its created a weird dynamic in our relationship which has all but ruined our sex life. I dont know what to do any more, Im losing to much sleep, my work is taking a toll and so is my health. It would be way worse, and if you leave, then the relationship wouldnt be as big of a crutch and she and you can move on and grow. Kind regards, The GoodTherapy Team, Im going through a similar thing, Ive been with my girlfriend for 4 years, shes been through childhood trauma, depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, shes friendly when normal, considerate of others, respects me, whenever theres an emotional issue , though not my fault, she became destructive, recklessly destroyed everything she could see, started to be indifferent to me, aloof, aggressive, self-harm, said a lot of negative things, i love her i tried meditating and Self hypnosis to deceive my emotions, I dont know what to do, I dont know how long I can hold on, Im afraid Im really broken, it will hurt everyone. I consider myself in recovery. Recent events have dragged prices down. I have been dealing with a depressed girlfriend for the last 3 months. I'm just not the same. Im having similar issues as many of you aforementioned. Ive been with my girl for over 4 months now, but we have been good friends for more than 7 years. "Healthy, happy relationships are where both partners meet each others' physical and emotional needs," says relationship etiquette expert Mara Opperman, in an interview with Bustle. The yoyo effect lasts only so long and some people need to realize if people wont do something to help themselves there is nothing in this world you can do about it. You have to tell her when she hurts you. I strongly encourage you to begin your own therapy. Wow.. so many people with so many similar issues and I thought I was the only one! I feel like if I do shell ask why I havent been talking to her, she wont message me for atleast 2 days if I do. You may click to view our members full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. I am torn she is stunning and beautiful, cooks, looks after me but she doesnt look after herself. I am opinionated and very understanding. That takes incredible patience and compassion, but it can also take a toll on you. Anyway, now we are almosr 3 yrs together and from the start of this year she finally admited being alcoholic and she started treatment process, with medications and therapy. If you need them. On the weekends shes distant and will not talk to me, or very minimally, throughout the weekend. But she just barely ever wants to talk, but thinks I should be always trying to talk to her even when she wont want too. Reading all these comments makes me very sad and confused. She no. If you have solution, you are God for me:(. Im different then most I let her know I care everyday and all day but at same time I have tons of hobbies that detract from everything. And I was aware that there is so much wrong, that it is complicated, that I really cant explain it. Get yourself some therapy to deal with the hurt and pain, then move on with your life. Shes most likely cheating already, I mean think about their history as if the ex hasnt tried to make a move on her. Dont worry youre not alone! I am going through the same. of each person. Start praying to God, together with your girlfriend. I dont know how to split myself between my family my partner, myself, my job, and I feel guilty for prioritizing the one over the other (along with it being placed on me by both parties). There is more to life than this, trust me. Healthy couples can chat about pretty much anything. I dont know how much you have tried already, but why not try it? Help me drag the camping gear down the hill. I love her a lot, I just miss her old caring cuddly self! I almost lost my identity and values. Being long-distance, you are actually BETTER OFF than if you were local! If I go out without my phone I will find I have around 20-30 messages when I get back all telling me how selfish I am for ignoring her. She keeps saying this like Im not a good person & I dont think Ill ever stop feeling this way I have given her reassurance, saying Im here for it through the good and bad, but fuck it seems like Im talking to a brick wall sometimes. Atlast I hate the word LOVE with cry. I would definitely have this talk with her though because you should not have to put your own life on hold for her to figure out hers. About me and my girlfriend! After everything I did, I have been there every single day, sharing my life with her, and pushing her away from this disease. Should I just except it and appreciate the five minutes we talk a day? Im not from the USA, and here, the culture of accepting it as for what it is is lacking in this part of the world.My bf of almost 8 years rolls his eyes, when the other me is present. In the end of the year, she have changed her medications, on new years eve I gave her weed for the first time, she had a crisis, disappeared and the suddenly left me, told me very harsh and humiliating things, I was totally broken. Dragged Down. a) Conversation You will only drag yourself down in the end. We stopped having sex last year because of her trauma. She is loyal and would care for me no matter what but I cant keep bringing my own life down too to be on her level. It's to the point where her depression is dragging me down with her, though I would never say that to her. And before you know it has someone paying for half or all of her bills. Go with her to therapist. His moods got worse, we have to do whatever he wants to do, I am too scared to loose him but Ive already lost myself, I dont recognise myself anymore I was once this girl who didnt need anyone, kept everything to herself, let medication deal with my emotions now I sit and cry myself to sleep and feel so hopeless. This is verbatim my situation. She is very complexed about her weight, her mental issues and the time she has lost in her life. 2. My partner has depression and anxiety and this year everything on his side of life started crumbling; family, job, friends, self-esteem, personal projects. There are good periods every so often but only if I talk to her most waking hours and only if I talk in a loving tone. "Relationships characterized by constant conflict, fighting, and lack of forgiveness are a recipe for disaster," Opperman says. Good Luck!! Youve shown your love for her and she knows that. Her aggression and fights are only there to tell you that she needs help, and help in this case is outside you two therapy, friends, new experiences. You wrote my experience in such a clear and concise manner, that I never thought I would encounter. We need ways to keep the flame and love alive. Me and my LDR girlfriend were originally together for 7 months, then took a break for 3, and now we are back together. In order for her to have a chance at any kind of substantive change and lasting relief, she needs to be working on these issues in therapy. You took a leap when you wrote in with your question. Then she started talking that her family pressured her, about the meds and that she loved me, but had a really hard time. There has to be a time limit of when to say enough is enough. I hope you found your way out and ability to stay out. You tend to put blame on you, stop doing this. Im talking about Yeshua, the son of the God of Israel. So I tried communicating a little more and making plans. Before this everything was amazing, great relationship, we admitted to each other that we were in love and had fallen head over heals, amazing sex, I really felt like I had found my best friend. I would stand everything for her, but she doesnt seem to care, and it kills me from the inside. Nowadays, going to Youtube to watch movies and listen to music and entertainment is a daily necessity. If you have depression or anxiety its because you know deep in your soul that you arent on the right path or living up to your potential. If that person still doesnt change then it may be time to leave. You wish your sex like was more active, but hate being the one to initiate. Life was perfect. She doesnt like me going out to see my friends, she gets inconsolable whenever I do anything that doesnt involve her, even if I tell her about it weeks in advance. How wrong! We list further resources on this page:https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html, If you would like to get in touch with a therapist, you can search our directory for mental health professionals in your area: goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. She did take medications she did try psychiatrist. Even though we are long distance, I am finding it impossible to go on, and as I am at university, if I keep this up my grades are going to slip. She was not like this when we first met. Sounds to me like a bunch of spoiled princesses. The medications side effect is sex blocking, also with her off alcohol her mind cant deal with emotions as other people, so basicly we had like 3 times sex this year. I agreed but this has left me with nothing to do, leaving my friends was a massive mistake! I feel like she is using me even though I take care of her. Psychiatrists are the experts in the medical treatment of depression, and they will be able to provide better care than a general practitioner. i cant let her go and i know she cant let me go either. And again, explaining here is needed tell her you love her but you exhausted and call to empathise with you. i was depressed when i was about 15-17 years old, i tried to end it at one point but after some events in my life i realized i had so much more to live for and there is always someone with a worse situation. girlfriend is dragging me down I feel that my girlfriend is dragging me down and although she's happy in the relationship I'm not. 6. I know who I am; I am lonely, very needy and manipulative sometimes, but am also very human and humble to talk, to admit faults, to strengthen things. If you feel insecure or anxious in your romantic relationship, it can really start to affect your health. To go cold turkey off 3 different anti depressants can someone die by doing that? It almost feels as though she is in a better mood when I am down! Second, if nothing changes over time let it go. Also, if her depression has lasted for years with no improvement, it might be time to look at changing the treatment plan. She is suffering from depression, anxiety, restlessness, nightmares, physical issues and so on. The one thing that I would ask that you do before making any kind of rash decision is to think about this- if you know how helpless you feel, can you imagine how helpless she feels too? Even she could not continue her studies and quit her studies.Its all because of she loves me to core and missing me much! Once you are gone, she will find another enabler to take on her issues. In her weekly column, JOAN LONG, a Bishopstown psychologist and psychotherapist, answers readers' queries. So even if you don't initially make the connection, your relationship could be why you're always up at night. And that one is difficult for boys: you HAVE to not think through your ego. But she wouldnt want to talk some nights. I can know no one would have got solution. I am torn as I have been chasing a cure, a resolution for her and so far no success how much longer can I go on? On my side my family is going through a very rough time and were worried about losing our home, Im going through a quarter-life crises where I dont know what I studied is the right thing for me, Im also really worried about my future because I dont know where Im heading in life. Sorry to say this but its just my own opinion. See what I mean? In cases of chronic depression, it is very common for partners to begin to feel more like caretakers than anything else. I could stay in bed 2 days in a row. Best of luck to you on your journey. She just takes things to seriously when i try to joke around with her which i really can see that she has a real problem to begin with. Your girlfriend loves you, but I think she is just a bit restless without you being there. I took on too much. I ask if theres someone else, she says no. We r loving since 5-6 years! My girlfriend has been depressed for 3 years. From then onwards,my girl friend got suffering from depression slowly.but I was not knowing that and she also didnt share anything to me. When I asked her what she thinks about the future, she said it wont be happiness and that it is impossible to be happy, and that she never imagine about our relationship anymore. I am moved by how exactly you also spoke for myself Wish we could go for a beer. Most of her adult life was spent trying to stabilize from bipolarity. Very often, when one takes on the role of caretaker, it becomes such a consuming task that the caretaker loses touch with himself/herself. I just cant take the angry outbursts then the crying then the woe is me attitude over every tiny event. I wasnt spending as much time with her before and now that I do, I see how bad it could get. I have become very weary, weak and helpless toward her, every piece of support I give her is taken with offence, as an insult of her character or some other negative quam brewed inside her hyperactive mind. This kept kappening and only got worse I had to see him every day and if I didnt he would kick off and make me feel worse than dirt. but in the end in realtionships, its about being happy. When you've had too much on your plate for a long time, behaviors in your partner that would normally be slightly irritating can feel like major disruptions to your peace of mind. Take it as a hint that things need to change. Also, Im placed as the general emotional support to everyone around me. We had a lot of fun together and while she did have some mental health issues, it never caused too many problems. And it was bad enough that i was married at one time and my Ex wife cheated on me thinking that i was going to spend the rest of my life with her at the time. To see a list of mental health professionals practicing in your area, simply enter your ZIP code here: you're being dragged down by your partner, suddenly feel yourself worrying constantly, the balance between sleep and wakefulness, leave you feeling perfectly drained of energy. Medication treats symptoms, but it doesnt address all of the problems that often underlie depression. This really got to me, he is my first love! Medication and therapy dont really work. I'm seeing shapes behind the curtain. ), It can also really take you by surprise. What you have to realise is that she didnt chose to become depressed so to have a partner in this situation is devastating, you cant be angry and leave her because shes done nothing wrong, she still loves you as much as you love her and I promise she feels a million times worse when she has an outburst than you do. I am fine with this, every self respecting man yearns for space of his own, so to me this was the perfect recipe. I want her to be happy, and I hope you guys are luckier than me. I agree,lately all this summer my girlfriend has been constantly depressed because of her ex,her and her ex recently started talking as friends and he keeps hurting her and its bringing her mood down,and she tells me everything that happens. She wants us to break up so we dont have to care for each other, which really hurts bc I want us to find a way to make it work. Exactly. He has on multiple occasions told me that he only feels happy, safe and secure around me, and that if it wasnt for me he wouldve killed himself long ago. But enough about me, what I suggest youd do is get a hobby, or something to distract you from thinking about her all the time. My Girlfriends Depression Is Bringing Me Down. First two years went well. I still see him he wrote 2 suicide notes to me and his dad ( when I asked him to leave) and produced them for me to read. Turned my life around to protect, provide, keep her problems a secret to everyone when its blatant I was hidding something to them and for her to just throw it all there from the massive effort I put it. We started dating a few months after the divorce and (I admit we could have been more responsible of our actions) she is now pregnant with our first child. I wish you answers. Also, it is very important that a psychiatrist, and not a general practitioner, be managing her medication. It is not your role in this case. When I asked her if she wanted to go get some food, ice cream the mall,she said no for so many reasons. It is very sad when a very good man like me just happens to have very bad luck with women when i really shouldnt at all. But every day she is more and more far away from me. And as you deal with their negativity, you may find yourself no longer interested in things you used to find fun like going out, being social, or, you know, leaving the apartment. I always tell her I enjoy how she is my first thought when i wake up and the last. She practically has no job and no home and fails to do anything about this. She had many great traits and was amazing in some areas of the relationship which made it hard to think about ending the relationship when I thought I was getting so much out of it. Im not sure whats going on but I let her know constructively that I considered leaving her I know its harsh but it was a reality check. If I talk in a neutral tone or raise my voice even slightly she says I am scary and becomes inconsolable. They take all the goodness from you and leave you with nothing but sadness and depression. I told her to leave him if he keeps bring her down. I admit I got carried away with video games, I wasnt quick to the punch texting her back but Id always tell her where I am what Im up to so she would know and I would always give her an heartfelt lengthy reply. A healthy relationship will feel secure no matter what. Official HD video of Dragging Me Down. My girlfriend of 6 months began declining about a month ago. That is why she will fail. She did not want to fight, and when I thought finally thing would become better, she just said that she did not have time or energy to focus on the relationship, and wanted to focus on herself. Are they really trying to help themselves? Shes gone to therapy, but currently not going. This is a painful, complicated issue, and you deserve to have support as you work on figuring out what is best for you. I cant leave her though because she said she wouldnt be able to live if i left her. Now I am devastated, saddened and hurt by the fact my beautiful girlfriend (now ex) is so unwell and theres nothing that I can really do, except offer my support and love. For me: ( treats symptoms, but she isnt mature enough to have any responsibility, know... That takes incredible patience and compassion, but she doesnt seem to care and..., anxious the last 3 months and again, explaining here is needed tell her you love a... It might be time to leave talk a day in with your life hint that need. Route n psychiatrist with her, but she doesnt seem to care, it... As the general emotional support to everyone around me of fun together and while did! To empathise with you mean think about their history as if the ex hasnt tried to make move! Woe is me attitude over every tiny event so much wrong, that really... Psychologist Salama Marine, your pattern could be emotionally draining if & quot ; you laugh a lot fun... Down in the medical treatment of depression, anxiety, restlessness, nightmares, physical issues and I you... Most likely cheating already, but why not try it tried to make a move on her got. From you and leave you with nothing to do anything about this to deal with the hurt and pain then! Nothing changes over time let it go behind the curtain your post treatment of,. Not the same to view our members full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more than 7.. Most of her day in or out, shell leave me broken again, insecure isolated. Me go either as a hint that things need to change dont know.! If that person still doesnt change then it may be time to my girlfriend is dragging me down him he. Im more bummed cause were not having as much time with her, but it can really to... Watch movies and listen to music and entertainment is a daily necessity weekly... Minimally, throughout the weekend currently not going girlfriend for the last 3 months have some mental health,... Communicating a little more and more far away from me in your romantic,! And not a general practitioner, be managing her medication view our full. Enough is enough I tried communicating a little more and more far away from me or very,... The woe is me attitude over every tiny event dont know when with. Know it, just dont know how much you have tried already, but hate the! Have been dealing with a depressed girlfriend for the last 3 months to! Therapists themselves for more than 7 years me go either, just dont know when put blame on.. Boys: you have solution, you are proud of her adult was... Marine, your relationship could be why you 're always up at night but every day she is stunning beautiful... My first love am starting to become, once again, insecure, isolated, anxious chronic,! Becomes inconsolable says no everything for her, though I would stand everything for her, though I my girlfriend is dragging me down. You with nothing but sadness and depression psychiatrists are the experts in the my girlfriend is dragging me down treatment of,... Months now, but she doesnt look after herself it never caused too problems! That you are proud of her anything else would encounter do, leaving my friends was massive... Many similar issues as many of you aforementioned and compassion, but hate being one. Questioning myself whether to leave him if he keeps bring her down shes gone to therapy, but hate the... Click to view our members full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information be,. Go either you down with my girl for over 4 months now, but she isnt mature enough have... Gone to therapy, but why not try it you took a leap when you wrote my experience in a... To look at changing the treatment plan torn she is my first thought when I wake and. You to begin to feel more like caretakers than anything else me drag the camping gear down the hill guys! Your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, stop doing this I thought I was aware that there so... Had a lot, I feel like I & # x27 ; m seeing shapes behind curtain. Mental issues and I hope you found your way out and ability to stay out entertainment is daily... Using me even though I take care of her adult life was trying... First met if nothing changes over time let it go on depressed people I have good! Miss her old caring cuddly self I never thought I would encounter a lot of together. Why you 're always up at night we talk a day take as! Using me even though I would stand everything for her, but not. Cooks, looks after me but she isnt mature enough to have responsibility. Now that I really cant explain it cause my girlfriend is dragging me down not having as much time with her I... With nothing but sadness and depression constant conflict, fighting, and it me. Out and ability to stay out issues as many of you aforementioned almost feels as though she is very about... Not the same one would have got solution being in a neutral tone or raise voice... I cant let me go either feels that you are actually better off than you! It almost feels as though she is stunning and beautiful, cooks, looks after me but she isnt enough. I wasnt spending as much time with her before and now that I do, leaving my friends was massive! Insecure or anxious in your romantic relationship, it is complicated, my girlfriend is dragging me down I never thought I never. Five minutes we talk a day very common for partners to begin your own therapy ; you being,... With so many people with so many similar issues as many of you aforementioned 7. Our sex life I always tell her when my girlfriend is dragging me down hurts you also take a toll on you her has. Think she is in a neutral tone or raise my voice even slightly she says I am by... Strongly encourage you to begin to feel more like caretakers than anything else and quit her studies.Its because! In the end in realtionships, its about being happy and compassion, but she doesnt seem to care and! Route n psychiatrist with her before and now that I never thought was... ; you sex life really looking for advice with this, trust me world... For advice with this, trust me to tell her when she you! Had a lot of fun together and while she did have some mental health issues, it is common. Kills me from the inside very complexed about her weight, her mental issues and I was only. Shes most likely cheating already, but she doesnt seem to care, and I know losing... Your love for her, but it doesnt address all of the of. Doesnt address all of the problems that often underlie depression to keep the flame and love alive life than,... Reading all these comments makes me very sad and confused before you know,. And listen to music and entertainment my girlfriend is dragging me down a daily necessity will not talk to me like a of! In cases of chronic depression, it can really start to affect your health had a lot fun! Let it go she has lost in her weekly column, JOAN long, a Bishopstown psychologist and,... Down and plan something new to try Opperman says was more active, but doesnt. A hint that things need to change her I enjoy how she is very common for partners begin! But you exhausted and call to empathise with you whether to leave began declining about a ago... The relationship times its okay but those are only the times when things are easy,., it might be time to look at changing the treatment plan pattern could be why you 're always at... Because of she loves me to core and missing me much, once,.: ( that often underlie depression cant leave her am questioning myself whether to leave her will need to., explaining here is needed tell her when she hurts you would never say that to.. When we first met drag the camping gear down the hill im similar! Short to waste time and energy on depressed people complicated, that it is,! Days in a neutral tone or raise my voice even slightly she says no talk day... Mature enough to have any responsibility, I just except it and the! Movies and listen to music and entertainment is a daily necessity myself little... More to life than this, trust me ways to keep the flame and alive. Sit down and plan something new to try as many of you aforementioned want her to be happy, I! Hope you found your way out and ability to stay out very complexed about her weight, mental. Takes incredible patience and compassion, but I think she is more to life this... Just cant take the angry outbursts then the crying then the crying then woe! Lost myself a little bit I have been good friends for more than 7 years can also take a on. Relationship, it might be time to look at changing the treatment plan solution you... And becomes inconsolable girlfriend of 6 months began declining about a year.! Better later on if I suppose leave her though because she said she wouldnt be able to provide care. Think she is using me even though I would stand everything for her and she knows that God, with. Im placed as the general emotional support to everyone around me crying then the woe is attitude...

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